


Five Times

by CobaltStargazer



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: Denial, Enough Tags Yet?, F/F, Friendship, Humor, Kissing, Realizations, Rizzles, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 10:24:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6952876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobaltStargazer/pseuds/CobaltStargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times when Jane Rizzoli kissed Maura Isles, and the time Maura kissed her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times

The first time Jane kissed Maura on the mouth, kissed her and held it, it was just to shut her up.

They'd been arguing over a minor point concerning a case, wrangling as they always did when they didn't see eye to eye, and they had just stepped into the medical examiner's office and closed the door when one of the ringtones on Jane's cell went off. The detective said, "I need to take this one, Maur. Give me a minute, and we'll pick up where we left off."

But the blonde had been distracted, or maybe just fixated on the minute details of their discussion, and she'd replied, "Let me look for that autopsy report. That'll clear this right up."

In retrospect, Jane supposed she could have left it alone. She and Maura didn't always agree, even though they worked well together and got along outside of the office. Initially, she'd taken the blonde for a dilettante, someone with the money for a fancy education to get a cushy job, but that early impression had proven to be false. Not that it had cured all the the brunette's inherent distrust of white collar types, but it had put a significant dent in it. So she could have elected not to take it as a challenge.

Instead, she'd watched for a moment while the blonde opened and closed file cabinets, keeping up a stream of chatter as she did so. And if it crossed her mind at all that even fluorescent lighting was flattering to Maura, it was barely a half-thought, much less a whole one.

The other woman was still talking when Jane moved towards her and cupped her cheeks with both hands, scarred palms brushing against softer flesh, and the kiss was fairly quick, but it was also long enough for the detective to appreciate the shape of Maura's mouth against hers. She'd kissed her before, sure, both hello and goodbye, so it wasn't exactly _new_. 

"Let me take this call," the brunette said, suddenly feeling a little awkward. Up that close, Maura's eyes were darker than normal, the pupils dilated. Jane took a step and a half backwards, then another step. The call turned out to be from Korsak, saying they'd gotten the warrant they'd been after. Jane used that as her excuse to go, leaving Maura staring after her with a vaguely shocked expression, 

That was the first time.

 

*****

The second time it happened, the situation was much more relaxed. Celebratory, since it was New Year's Eve and they were watching the Times Square countdown on TV at The Dirty Robber. Jane had had a few beers and some champagne, the glass of bubbly being pressed into her hand by Ma just before midnight. Maura had had been crossing the room with a refill of her own when the brunette caught her by the shoulder, caught her and gently reeled her in.

"Happy New Year, Maura..."

The crowd around them had been so boisterous that not even Angela saw what happened, and later when Jane reflected on the incident it occurred to her that Maura's hand had alighted on her hip before the kiss broke. The imprint of fingers flexing against her black pants hadn't been enough to leave a mark anywhere. Other than her on subconscious, anyway.

"Happy New Year to you too, Jane," the blonde had said in the tone she used when she was _really_ thinking something over. Chewing it down to gristle. The detective had ducked away from that assessing gaze, discomfited and oddly excited, but not in a way she was willing to examine.

At least not right then. 

That was the second time.

 

*****

The third time, it was because Casey left and Jane was fucked up and drunk.

Maura had invited her over to commiserate, and to trash Casey if necessary, but all Jane could do was obsess over how it must have been her fault somehow.That her stubbornness had chased him away. She'd had more than a few beers that night, but not enough to pass out, and at the time all she'd wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep to escape.

"I keep going over it in my head, y'know?"

She and Maura had been lying on the bed in the blonde's guest bedroom, and there were six empty bottles on the coffee table in the living room. "I mean, I know he said he left because I deserve more, but he was all the more I wanted. I just....maybe I could have done or said something extra."

"Jane."

The doctor's voice was gentle, just above a murmur, but when the brunette turned slightly to face her, Maura's expression was intent. The overhead light was off, but the lamp on the bedside table was on, and the other woman's fair hair caught the glow of it. They'd linked hands at some point, but they held hands all the time, especially when they were alone. In the dimness, when it was just the two of them, Jane's high walls of self-protection could be safely lowered. She _did_ love Casey, and _was_ hurt that he'd taken the decision about their relationship out of her hands, but Maura was the only one she could really let past her barriers at times like these. Allow her to see the self-doubt and to patch up the places where she hurt.

"You deserve everything that's good, and who knows? He could always come to his senses, realize what he'd be losing." Jane shrugged one shoulder, and Maura grasped her wrist.. 

"Look, tough girl," she said in that familiar no-nonsense tone, and despite herself Jane cracked a smile. "I know you've got a reputation to protect, but I've seen the soft heart underneath the armor. You're smart and passionate and beautiful, and if he's half as worthy as he'd need to be, that will register with him."

_Maura thinks I'm beautiful?_

It was a ridiculous notion, because it wasn't the first time the blonde had complimented her, and despite her occasional insecurity Jane wasn't so modest that she didn't disbelieve it. Maura was still holding her wrist, and then she pressed her mouth to the healed wound on her palm. Holding her friend's gaze while she did it.

It was brief, it was chaste, but Jane had never been so aware of her scarred flesh before, or the slight grip of Maura's fingers around her wrist. Her other hand came up and cupped the blonde's cheek, and the third kiss was just as innocent as the one that had been placed on her hand. But this time she almost caught hold of the thought that _just friends_ didn't hug and kiss one another as often as she and Maura did. They certainly didn't do it in the half-light, lying on a bed. And then the information skittered away again, and the third time came and went.

 

*****

Casey _did_ come back, and he and Jane tried to make it work, but when it ended for good they'd both been certain of why. And had she been required to tell the real truth, she was relieved when it was over. She cared for him enough that she wanted him to have the life he deserved, but that life would not be happening with her. She'd hugged him with a fierce regret, he'd dropped a kiss on her cheek, and that was the end of it.

She and Maura got together for drinks later that same week, and as usual the blonde was the first to ask the question. "Are you okay, Jane?"

And that was a relief too, to just have someone _ask_ her how she felt without dancing around the subject. Jane loved her Ma dearly, but Angela's attempts to subtly interfere were worse than just having things addressed. Whatever else she was avoiding looking at, the detective would rather have some things out in the open. She began to pick at the label on her beer bottle, peeling it away from the glass in strips in a thoughtful fashion.

"I'm okay," she said after a minute. "Better than I thought I'd be, actually. When he left before, everything was still up in the air, and I think that's what hurt the most, the uncertainty of it. He deserves to be happy, it just...won't be with me."

Maura looked as if she wanted to say something, her mouth slightly open, and then she diverted her attention to her wine. Jane only caught the sudden reticence because she was finishing her last beer of the night, setting the empty bottle on the table in front of her, and when she settled back on the couch the blonde was studiously concentrating on her beverage. The detective raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing," Maura replied quickly. Too quickly. "I was just wondering what your plans are now."

The eyebrow arched higher, and then Jane's left cheek dimpled. It was unlike Maura to play coy, and so she prodded a little. "No, it isn't 'nothing'. You've got something on your mind. What is it?"

"It's....you know your mother. I'm picturing a long line of blind dates from hell."

The brunette laughed, her dimple becoming more obvious, and she pushed her fingers through her already tousled hair. "I think even Ma has learned her lesson about trying to set me up," she said, waving the thought away. "But...yeah, I don't know what comes next. I didn't have anyone waiting in the wings or anything."

There was another pause, a weightier one, and Jane gave her friend a slyer version of the smile on her face. "Is this your way of saying you're attracted to me, Maura?"

She'd asked it once before, when they were lying side by side on the ME's bed, and it had been a joke then. It was still a joke, but the deer-in-the-headlights look Maura gave her in response made the smile slide off of Jane's face by degrees. They regarded one another for a minute, and then the brunette took the wineglass out of the other woman's hand and set it aside, putting it on the end table. Their fingers brushed, and Jane's stomach somersaulted.

The fourth kiss landed on Maura's cheek, but just barely. It caught the corner of her mouth, and Jane lingered there long enough to catch the scent of her shampoo, the light perfume she used. One of her permanently marked hands flexed against the cushion, and something banged against the edge of her consciousness, caromed off, then slammed into it again.

_Friends don't do this. Not **just** friends._

She retreated, clumsy and slow, realizing that Maura's eyes had very slight flecks of green in them, and she tucked an errant piece of hair behind the blonde's ear. The doctor opened her mouth again, and Jane finished her retreat. Her stomach was no longer somersaulting. Now it was doing no-hands cartwheels, only her rib cage preventing it from spinning completely out of control. 

"Maura...."

Somehow she managed to leave without ruining it, to not say something awkward and stupid because her defenses had risen without warning. Because what if she was wrong? She'd been wrong about this sort of thing before, and not just with Casey. Jane walked fast out to the street, having mumbled some excuse or other as she fled, and out on the street he leaned against her car and looked up at the light that still burned in the window of Maura's apartment. A light drizzle had started, and she tipped her face up into it. What if she was wrong? What if she was _right_?

That was the fourth time.

 

*****

"You busy? I'd like to talk to you."

Maura looked up from the report she was filling out, and Jane hovered in the doorway of the examination room. The temperature in the room was at least ten degrees cooler than everywhere else in the building. The two women studied one another, and finally the brunette stepped into the room. It had been three days since what she'd come to think of as The Big Realization That Might Not Be Real.

"I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have run out on you."

She said it while maintaining eye contact, and Maura's lips pursed. "I did wonder what happened," she said evenly. "I thought perhaps your phone had buzzed, but when I didn't get a call of my own I decided that couldn't have been it. So what happened?"

"I panicked."

"You?"

Jane rubbed the back of her neck, and it _was_ a little asinine. She'd been shot at, negotiated hostage situations, and the scars on her hands were permanent reminders of what it meant to be in danger. But if she was wrong, if she was mistaken, it would alter her relationship with Maura. Because they would have to see one another at the next crime scene, and at the next autopsy, and at the next court case when it came time to testify. The friendship was precious, so if she spoke up and was wrong, it could wreck everything.

"I'm attracted to you."

It was almost a question, and Jane stuffed her hands into her pockets for lack of anything else to do with them. Maura just looked at her. "I mean, I know what I said the other night, and I was kidding. Sort of. Or maybe I've known it for a while and just...forgot?" That was definitely a question. The blonde was still simply holding her gaze. Jane swallowed.

"I never...I hate labels. Categories. Always have. I don't need someone else to name how I feel, and I don't even know what I'm _talking ___about right now. It might not even be..."

"Jane."

The single word cut whatever else the detective might have said off at the pass, and Jane was almost pathetically grateful for the silence that followed. She was better at being slapdash and heedless than trying to think things through, and that was one of the things that had made her such a good cop. Maura was giving her a considering look, and into the quiet the brunette stepped closer to her. 

That fifth kiss started slow, beginning at the corner of the blonde's mouth, but when Maura turned her head _just so_ it became a proper kiss. Jane's battle-scarred hands found careful purchase, cradling the other woman's face, and when the blonde kissed her back, her entire body gave an involuntary shiver.

"Do you have _any_ idea of how long I've been waiting for you to do that and mean it?" Maura asked, and her voice was playful, but her eyes were serious. Her hands were on Jane's shoulders, kneading through fabric. Their foreheads came together, resting there for a minute.

"You might have to be patient with me," the brunette said, but the worry was temporarily buried under an avalanche of relief. Relief and desire, because labels aside, that last kiss had had her toes curling inside her shoes. "I really don't know where this is going yet, but I...I figured we could start with a date. A real date."

"Jane, we've been dating since we met," Maura said with a near-laugh, and the detective nodded. 

"Yeah, I know," she said, and _that_ admission was new as well. "But I meant _out_ somewhere. With dinner and without homicide."

The brunette wanted to sample the other woman's mouth again, but she'd reluctantly remembered it was the middle of the work day. This was too new, strange and yet not strange at all, to overindulge just yet. If it had taken her a while to wake up to it, Jane reflected, then she could take her time in fully exploring the possibilities. 

If the fifth time was the best one yet, who knew where it could lead?


End file.
